Something about Mentos

MentosImage

This opening line explains that I like Mentos and feel like writing something about them just for the hell of it.

========

I find them in tents

I find them in tents

I first discovered these in Germany. Yes, the printing on the packaging is English, pretty convenient for a Brit in Munich looking for cheap, chewy candy.

Four types of mint are on offer here, and do you see that thermometer thing on the bottom of the roll? From right to left it highlights what one may presume to be the intensity of the mint flavour(?), from weakest to strongest: mint, spearmint, strong mint and air action.

Cute idea, except spearmint really ought to be at the start of the scale, don’t you think? If nothing else- the colour scheme would have worked nicer too, it would have gone from green to blue to black:

How to gradient

How to gradient

There would have also been 6 spearmint sweets instead of 4 this way. Everybody loves spearmint; it’s the sweet, mellow member of the mint family.

I never understood the meaning of “strong” mints however- they’re just regular mints that set your mouth on fire, what’s the point of that? It’s not like they keep your breath fresh any longer than the other mints, although I could attribute this fact to my garlic-heavy diet…

The lowlight of Mintensity are the unholy “air action” sweets. At a mere glance you can tell these things are nasty:

Somebody sneeze?

Somebody sneeze?

Pictured above we have mint (white), spearmint (green) and strong mint (blue) Mentos. You’d be forgiven for mistaking one flavour for another, their differences in colour are subtle at best…

But just look at that specimen on the far right, the air action sweet, there’s no mistaking it for anything. It looks diseased…  like a regular Mentos that’s been shoved up somebody’s nose. Is that supposed to be ironic? I’m not laughing.

As is the case with most sweets like these- not only do they taste terrible, with a lingering sensation of disgust- but they succeed in clearing your nasal passage ways… for about 30 seconds.

Perhaps it would have been better to sample these abominations if I were sick or actually had a stuffy nose… but damn it all, I just want sweet, chewy candy, even when I AM sick.

Whose bright idea was it to include these things in a roll? What we’re left with is 12 edible sweets out of 14. Eliminate these buggers and replace them with… I don’t know… chocolate mint flavour or something. Ice cream can do it, why not Mentos?

========

Woot for Fruit

Woot for Fruit

Strawberry, Orange and Lemon, the trinity of safe flavours. Got to love Mentos fruit.

The only thing that bothers me about these rolls is their inconsistency, there’s never an even ratio of flavours (of course there can’t be: 14 doesn’t divide by 3); one day you get a roll that’s mostly strawberry; next day it’s mostly orange…

A lemon-heavy roll is a lucky find, lemon flavour isn’t as common a flavour as strawberry Mentos, it would seem…

Odd fruit, lemons, aren’t they? Sour and unpleasant in physical form, but beloved as a flavour and scent by all. I’ve never seen strawberry-scented toilet bleach, but lemon pulls it off admirably.

========

Totally not fat Skittles (TM)

Totally not fat Skittles (TM)

The Strawberry and Orange flavours make a return to represent the colours of magenta and ginger respectfully.

You can understand the choice of orange for orange (nobody would be foolish enough to have carrot flavoured sweets) but why is strawberry magenta? Shouldn’t it represent red?

Well, Raspberry gets that privilege in the Mentos rainbow; Cherry flavour would have been nice to squeeze in for variety, maybe then strawberry wouldn’t be the overexposed whore that it has become.

Sadly, there’s no lemon flavour here, Pineapple takes gold instead. A close call, the obvious choice besides lemon would have been Banana flavour. Bananas are foul. Seriously, those things aren’t only a health-hazard (the skins) and sexually suggestive in appearance, but they spoil other fruit.

Bananas are the antisocial fruit. They don’t belong in a fruit bowl or a rainbow. Good call, Mentos.

What is up with this screwy rainbow anyway? Mintensity showed us that Mentos doesn’t know how to arrange a good colour scheme, but this is ridiculous; the rainbow colours are out of sequence and there are two shades of green for crying out loud. Wasn’t there any room for blue- blueberry flavour?…actually, that’s fine, blueberry flavour is gross.

========

Big Duo

Big Duo

I told you strawberry is a whore, didn’t I? That’s three different kinds of Mentos it has crowbarred itself into, I think there might even be a fourth…

Anyway- strawberry and lime?

Interesting…can it really work?

No.

Saliva doesn’t work that way.

You can bite into these things or suck them into oblivion, the result is always the same: they taste like strawberry Mentos.

The first disappointment of Mentos Duo is in finding the outer shells of the sweets are pink, not a bold red like the packaging leads you to believe.

But what about the inside of the sweets? Are they really green like the packaging illustrates? Well, I took a look inside and-

DuoFraud

Nope. They aren’t green, in fact- they’re yellow. Lime is yellow.

What!?

Mentos Duo is a huge lie.

========

This line explains that there is no real punchline to this post, but I’ll probably update it when I find more weird and wonderful flavours of Mentos as I travel the world.

Happy chewing.

Advertisements

One thought on “Something about Mentos

  1. Mentos are absolutely disgusting. I never had one that I actually liked. By the way, why are bananas anti-social? Do they go around committing crimes for personal gain or something? All in all, very funny review, Chaz.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s